The name is Elizabeth, but the average folk call me Liz ☺
I initially started this Blog for an
Art class I took .
Now that that class is done with,
I will be using this for my own pleasure .
I am not too sure how this will work
or what I will be blogging about .
But, you are more than welcome to follow
along with my journeys and
random posts as I live my life for
my savior, Jesus Christ .
I had originally planned to bake these yesterday but, I decided the suspense of making them the last day of December would be funner (read: crazy stressful).Of course, I had to fight for kitchen use with my father, making Menudo and Chicharron for us. But I eventually got my time.
This recipe called for peppermint extract, and when ever I don't have a certain ingredient a part of me freaks out but the other part gets excited. especially when it comes to different extracts. The cake itself came out very good in my and my moms opinion. one thing that I did do was add a drop of pink food coloring to the batter. I felt like the cupcake would just be too white. The liners, the cake, the frosting. Pink cake added a nice touch to it and it complimented the little pieces of red in the crushed candy canes I garnished the cupcakes with. Frosting, I was satisfied with. Nice texture and it was easy to pipe. My mom on the other hand didn't like it. But from what I think I heard, my dad and Gabriel liked it. I'm going to keep this post short since I haven't really sat down and spent time with my family since the Dick Clark's: New Year's Rockin Eve special started. Hope y'all had a great Christmas, last couple days of Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, and a happy New Year's Eve.
Sorry, this picture looked way better on my phone.
Recipe created by Candace Nelson, owner of Sprinkles Cupcakes
Finally, It is December! My favorite month of all time. Thank you Mamas little pilgrims who bring Thanksgiving to the home. But it is time for you to go back in your box, because the little polar bear family need to take your place to make us feel like it snows outside. Which then reminds us that it is December, which leads to getting excited that Christmas is in 24 days, and it is totally okay to listen to Christmas music now, then I can comfortably listen to O' Holy Night , The Little Drummer Boy- specifically the one that David Bowie and Bing Crosby sing, and of course, Mariah Carey's All I Want for Christmas Is You. Which then leads to getting that fuzzy feeling in my heart of remembering why we celebrate CHRISTmas! Obviously, the next thing I want to do is watch A Charlie Brown Christmas just so I can hear Linus reminding everyone what Christmas is all about.
With the season of Christmas already in my head, I have come to a decision on what my December cupcake will be! (thanks to Katherine) Fortunately for y'all, I will give you a hint to hold you, faithful readers, over.
For starters, I just want to say I absolutely LOVE when the cakes come out like these did. They just look so perfect. The recipe was pretty easy and didn't take me very long to mix it all together. They smelled very delicious and taste scrumptious! Not dry at all, the frosting and the cake together are a great combo.
Speaking of the frosting...I had some complications with. Really, every time I make cream cheese frosting it never comes out the way I want it. And my piping of the frosting never, and I mean NEVER comes out the way the picture looks from the amazing bloggers I get the recipes from. The picture I managed to get actually came out amazing ha ha. About 3 minutes after I took this photo the frosting started to droop. Actually, every cupcake I frosted slowly started to turn into melted ice cream. figuratively speaking. Very disappointing. I'm convinced I can't make the perfecting cream cheese frosting because I don't have a Kitchenaid tilt-head stand mixer with the paddle attachment.
Besides that fact, these cupcakes came out delicious.
Because I was happier with the way these came out, I have more pictures to show you :)
These took a little more work than the Pumpkin ones. This cake is a good consistency. Not super moist but not dry at all. They weirdly have this apple smell to them, when the only thing apple was the apple cider.
Taste wise, I wish there was more of an apple taste to it. You can totally taste the spice in it too. My frosting came out okay. It definitely has a salted caramel taste! This was my first time making a caramel sauce and it came out pretty awesome. ha ha! Obviously, I enjoyed piping these bad boys way more than the pumpkin. They are much prettier to look at. The one thing I did forget to do, with the frosting the recipe called to sift the powdered sugar and I forgot to do that. *sigh* even though my sifter was literally right next to the bowl. So I don't know if that would have made any difference really in the making of the frosting. Next time I'll have to make sure I don't forget to do that.
Yes, there will be a next time. I am determined to have prettier looking Pumping Cupcakes and I want to try and bring out the flavors a little more with the Apple Cider Cupcakes. Also! The recipe for the ACC gave some options on what to do with the left over caramel, one was to poke holes in the cake and allow the caramel to soak in! um, delicious!
If you would like to attempt to bake these please, click on the titles of the cupcakes and it will direct you to the awesome bloggers pages that I went to to get these recipes from!
I know what you're thinking now, "Well, tomorrow is December Liz, I hope you have an idea of what you will be baking us." And as a matter of fact, I do! I know exactly what I will be attempting. Please, stay tuned. And thanks for reading. : )
I am aware I missed Octobers Cupcake.
I really have no legitimate excuse as to why.
Maybe a mix of laziness, procrastination, being poor, and being overwhelmed with other things.
My apologies for anyone who was waiting patiently for them, mainly my sister because I made the mistake of telling her what I was planning for October and got her hopes up for free delicious cupcakes. Sorry, Katherine. I'll make it up to you.
I'll make it up to all of you.
It's November y'all! Probably one of my favorite months ever, tied with December. Why? Well because it is the month of Thanksgiving! A month where I try my absolute best not to complain about the empty toilet paper roll from hell that is always there when I need to use the bathroom! No no, I take all the power in me to stop and be thankful that I am incredibly blessed to have a toilet, and a bathroom, and running water.
Its awful to think that I try extra hard to do this only in the month of November because really, I should be doing this everyday. But I guess the two wooden Pilgrims my mom puts out the minute Halloween is over just pulls on my heart strings. No excuses Liz! My point is, take the time to be thankful for everything, everyone, and anything. Not just on Thanksgiving Day where we all are thankful for the thee F's and a G in our lives, Family, Friends, and Food and God. No no, lets spread the love of thanks all throughout the month, ya? Extra brownie points if we make it apart of our everyday routine 365 days a year :D
I hate my kitchen with everything inside me, with the exception of our fridge and stove ha ha. But the space...drives me nuts. But at least I have a kitchen. And because I said I would make it up to y'all for my laziness in October, I am baking two yes, you heard me, TWO cupcakes for the month of November! To celebrate my favorite month, and being thankful for my tiny kitchen. So mom...if you're reading this...can you buy me some ingredients? ha ha
I am pretty stoke about these cupcakes but frightened at the same time. Pictures to come as soon as those delicious baby cakes are done!
As I said in my last post, Septembers Cupcake was the Piña Colada Cupcake!!
My sister Katherine requested that I baked these for her Birthday. I was super stoked but scared out of my mind!! As always when I try a new "challenging" cupcake but I was ready for it. But then...I hurt my back. yea, perfect timing right? I was out for a good week. Katherine's birthday was approaching and it was still painful to stand but I was so determined to bake these cupcakes. Not only for my sister but for you...my faithful readers. So naturally I prayed and prayed that I would miraculously would be healed just in time for baking. I wasn't completely healed but was able to stand for a longer time and sitting became a lot more comfortable for me so that was enough for me and I didn't complain. I'll stop writing and will post these pictures then I will talk about the cake.
So I tried something new and I used these super cute souffle cups. They were bigger than the mini cupcakes I've made but smaller than a regular cupcake. It was perfect.
Katherine loved them. She obviously ate more than she thought she would in the picture shown above. ha ha. One thing that she mentioned, which I agree, I need to figure out a way to really bring out the flavors. There were chunks of pineapple and small pieces of coconut in the cake. along with Malibu Rum. They were tasty. But I probably will 86 the coconut pieces and make the pineapple in finer pieces. I would add more Rum ha ha and maybe some coconut extract or something that will bring out the coconut flavor in another way. If that makes sense ha ha.
September is quickly coming to an end and I need to start thinking of Octobers cupcake! I'm thinking...something related to pumpkin?? maybe? ha ha don't know, come back to find out!
I have chosen Septembers Cupcake! Thanks to my sister and my mother for having my sister in September ha ha
For Katherine's Birthday Cupcakes she has requested:
Piña Colada Cupcakes!
taken from Pastry Affair. We will see how these turn out. Pretty excited about these. I will post my pictures and how things went probably the day or a few days after.
I have two things going for me this month... One, the picture on my calendar for the month of September are Giraffes! Perfect right? The second, my 23rd birthday. So please be good to me.
For those who are following my cupcake challenge, I have yet to figure out what Septembers cupcake will be. There are a butt load of birthdays that are in September and I'm already feeling the anxiety of not knowing what to get these people and feeling bad for the ones I won't be getting gifts for...I'm also really hoping that God will provide me with the man of my dreams so my plan for my life at the age of 11 will kick into gear. But lets be real, that plan was supposed to happen last year. And we are silly to think our plan is exactly what God has planned for us already. I'm sure He is laughing at me right now. A girl could pray.
I have a feeling September is gonna be a lot of listening to Country music. missing my best friend Amy, hoping she sees an Elephant or Giraffe in Africa just in time to send me a picture for my bday ha ha but that's a stretch. Baking Cupcakes. Praying. Lots of Dates with Jesus. Crying. Writing. And playing volleyball.
Alright. So here is the deal. Before my bestie left for Africa she made me promise her that I would bake a new cupcake every month that she is away. And blog about it. Which means, 10 new cupcakes and a guaranteed blog post every month for the next 10 months!! Crazy right? I can't let her down. Plus, I am thinking, maybe in return I will get a beautiful picture of some elephants or giraffes straight from Africa!? yes? maybe ha ha. Anywho...
I have already knocked out Augusts cupcake!
As part of Amys going away gift she requested Blueberry Cupcakes. And that is exactly what I gave her. Without further ado:
Amy's African Blueberry Bliss Cupcakes
Tedious Blueberry Placements
Finished Product, Sloppy Frosting
All Boxed Up, Ready to Go
These were Buttermilk Blueberry Cupcakes with Blueberry frosting topped with a fresh Blueberry. Amy was in heaven. She asked for blueberry and she got it ha ha. Why the buttermilk and not just a plane cake? well, her favorite pancakes are blueberry so I kind of just went off of that. I was not too happy with the way my piping turned out. see, I put in lemon zest with my frosting and it wasn't getting along with my tip and kept getting caught, thus making my piping come out all retarded. But it was okay.
Unfortunately, I underestimated my amount of blueberries that I placed in each cake. But, I heard they were still delicious. I made another batch of these cupcakes, a week after, for my church youth group. And I made sure there were plenty of blueberries in the cake ha ha. It took FOREVERRRR, but I did it. And I eighty-sixed the lemon zest, which made no difference in the taste, and my piping came out so much better!
Second Attempt!
I have no idea what my cupcake for September will be. I might ask my sister Katherine if she has any requests for her birthday. It's the 9th of September, and she is the one who usually gets me baking crazy cupcakes I think I could never do. She is the one who told me to make the Tres Leches Cupcakes...which in my opinion are my best so far. ugh, so delicious its not okay. As soon as I figure out what Septembers cupcake will be I will be sure to post about it.
In June I went back to Bolivia for a mission trip and that was amazingly beautiful. I might write a post just on my experience.
July I had an awesome chance to work with one of my best friends, Amy.
She worked for a church in Pasadena and was the head coordinator for their sports program, Upward. Upward has a summer sports camp and Amy hired me to be the "team mom" or the "mom tent" I basically was mom away from mom. Made sure they were drinking water, gave them a band aide if they needed one, pep talks, encouragement or someone they can sit next to if they didn't want to play anymore.
Not only were those three weeks so awesome because of the kids, but I was able to see Amy almost every day. Now this may not seem like a big deal, but it is.
Our friendship is awesome but growing up we hardly saw each other. we went to different schools and only saw one another on Sundays and if it were a good week maybe for youth group on a Wednesday night. Those three weeks, not only did she make me fall more in love with country music, it reminded me of how blessed I am to have a girl like her a part of my life and to truly call her my best friend. I might have mentioned in a previous post that Amy was considering going on a mission trip of some sort. (And if I didn't, sorry. ha ha I probably had good intentions to but forgot.) Well, God made that happen. He opened doors like crazy and provided a way and a place to get her there. I am super excited for her new chapter. She will be in Malawi, Africa for 10 months.
Loving God and Serving God.
Now, because I spent almost every day with Amy most of our talks in the car involved the future. Amy did not let the idea of me becoming this great and fabulous baker pass by. She challenged me and made me promise her that every month she is away that I bake a new "fancy" cupcake. She also told me I had to blog about it. I already completed my cupcake for this month, and I will post about that a little later.
To end this post I just want to share some stuff with y'all.
These past three days have been extra difficult for me but weirdly special.
I was asked to bake 84 cupcakes for my church's youth group.
I love baking and everything about it. But at some point it becomes very emotional for me, especially when I get frustrated with something or wonder if there would be a better way in doing something. Times like those I just want to talk to my Abuelito. (I wrote a post on that)
Tuesday night I baked and Wednesday afternoon I frosted.
Yesterday, August 8th was the 5th anniversary of my aunt Candy's passing. If I had to pick any of the deaths I have had in my life to be the hardest and one that I haven't found complete closure in, it would be hers. I do a very good job at covering it and pretending that I dealt with it in a healthy way but I don't think I ever let myself fully talk to God about how I felt about it. Just the surface stuff. Anywho, I woke up feeling a little off. A little sad. But still, the day felt like it was going to be special. And it was. In the morning I was able to bless my mentor with God planned babysitting. That was pretty awesome how it all turned out. Then the rest of the day I just couldn't figure out why I felt so weird. Then, I was reminded that it was August 8th when my mom text me that she was going to the cemetery. Then it all made sense. Soon after that my friend Marissa called me and asked what I was doing and wanted to pick me up so we could hang out with a high school friend we both hadn't seen or hung out with in a long time. A part of me didn't want to go but I knew if my aunt was still here, she would have told me to go have fun. So I went. And it was awesome.
I thought I would share this with you. Even though I felt like I wanted to cry or just do nothing because I missed my loved ones so much, those memories and love I have for them is what keeps me moving forward and to do the things that I know they would have enjoyed seeing me do. And this goes for both sets of my grandparents, and my aunt. All who are not with us anymore but give me that driving force to live my life as if they were here.
♥L
Abuelita and Abuelito
Aunt Candy, holding me on the right.
Grandpa
*not pictured, my Grandma, Nelle. She didn't like taking pictures and the few I have I don't have on me to show you.
Lets cut to the chase, I am failing at keeping up with my posts. What's new. I told my instagram photo challenge that my New Year Resolution was to write more in my blog. Never exactly said it would be daily. Ha ha but it has taken 5 days to actually start. Anywho,
it is the beginning of 2013. And I don't think I am all that excited about it now. Before I was all about it. Super stoked. Ready to concur all that comes my way. But now, that has changed. As 2012 was coming to an end I looked back on my year. I had a ton of personal accomplishments. Overall 2012 was good. Sure, I had a rough time. It was not all rainbows and sunshine. Not even close. But as my mentor, Alyson, asked me how I was doing spiritually and where I am at I had to think. And it wasn't until then when I realized where I really was on my walk with Jesus. Matthew 7:13-14, “Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it."
This verse nailed it. especially the last part. "...narrow the road that leads to life.." I'm walking on a narrow road. Long and narrow. And hard. few find it. I imagine my self walking this road and just stopping. Not lost. Not giving up nor turning back. Just stopping. Looking back, seeing what I walked, what I went through, then looking ahead and seeing what is yet to come. And that I am no where near being close to finish. It has also hit me that living my life for Christ is hard. To make the decision everyday to live my life for Him, and walk as He walked.
I am at a point in my life where I am facing my challenges. I know what I want and that is to live my life for Christ. No matter how hard it is. I am slowly starting to finally accept that the Lord loves me for me, regardless of my mistakes. Life is getting harder. And I am scared. I am not looking forward to 2013 only because I am turning 23. I am getting closer and closer to being a super legit adult, still jobless and facing the fact that I am no where near where I thought I would be 10 years ago. And this scares me. But because of what I just said in the paragraph before this, all I can do is take a deep breath, do a few stretches, maybe some lunges, and continue walking, with full faith that the Lord is going to continue to guide me through this narrow path.
This is where I am at. Goodbye 2012, It was nice. I went through a lot, learned a lot about myself and the Lord, had some make ups and break ups, spent more time with friends I hardly saw the previous year, aced my math class, and got some pretty stellar Christmas gifts. Hello 2013, be gentle. Lord teach me more about you, develop the gifts you have given me, grow my heart, prepare me for Bolivia, provide time for me to mentor, and keep me focused on your plans for my life and not my own.
Today is the first of December. And I am pretty stoked. November was good to me. But I'm glad its over. My Thanksgiving was pretty good. Considering I was sick, along with everyone else I knew. To all who were sick that week, I hope you are feeling a lot better now. I know I am.
Back to December. I am excited. Why? well, hopefully it will actually start to feel like Winter. Christmas music! Christmas Trees, Christmas lights, Nativity Scenes, Fireplaces, and well ya know, Christmas!!
Now, I don't want to mislead you into thinking that I absolutely love everything about this season...because I do not. And I have been thinking about it a lot lately. I mean, how can I not?
'Tis the season of feeling lonely for me. As it is for most of my fellow single ladies, I assume.
It is also the season for me to yet again, trust in my Lord that he's got everything under control. Including my love life. Which has become harder and harder to let go of and give to God as I am getting older. Not that I had much control of it before. But, realizing that my plans mean nothing. And trusting that if the Lord wants me to be single for life then I can be okay with that. If He wants me married at 30, I can also be okay with that. If he wants me to have 3 kids or no kids...I can also be okay with that. This is also waaaaay easier said than done. I mean how awesome would it be to finally be in a God loving relationship during Christmas and New Years?! It would be pretty awesome.
As much as I would love to have that, I would also love to fall more in Love with God. And I think that is what He wants me to do right now. To fall deeper in love with Him. Because obviously I haven't learned that His love is enough for me.
I was listening to some Christmas music (finally) on my way to a baby shower today. It was David Crowder Bands - O Holy Night. A song I have heard many, many times each Christmas season for 22 years. Except today as I was singing a-long I couldn't help but get teary eyed as I actually listened to what I was singing.
"Truly He taught us to love one another,
His law is love and his gospel is peace.
Chains he shall break, for the slave is our brother.
And in His name all oppression shall cease.
Hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
with all our hearts we praise His holy name."
At that moment, with tears in my eyes is when I remembered why I loved Christmas. Why I loved our God. Then singing to the rest of the album was way more awesomer. yes, I just said awesomer.
For the month of December, as I listen to my Christmas music, feeling lonely and sad for myself because I am still single, I pray that I can be reminded of His love and that it is enough. And that I am fully capable of trusting Him with that area of my life.
♥L
p.s- If you haven't listened to David Crowder Bands Christmas Album- Oh For Joy, I recommend that you do. I personally love it. Traditional Christmas songs with their little twist to it. Amazing. If you don't believe me, listen to it yourself.
Monday, October 22, 2012
"If Jesus fully emptied Himself for you, What's keeping you from emptying yourself for others?"
Nailed it. Minus number 11. Halloween just isn't my favorite holiday. It's too stressful for me. too much pressure. ha ha. Although I am pretty stoked about Murdock's costume. Hopefully I can pull it off. Again, there is just so much pressure. But if I actually do make this happen, he is going to be the coolest. Fingers crossed that he is feeling up to par by Halloween.
Also, lets hope that this crazy heat goes away! I mean, come on. I thought Summer left already. We had a good couple of days that were just perfect! Then Summer 2.0 comes around and ruined it. I don't know if you are aware of this Summer but, Alaska would absolutely LOVE a visit from you...Just sayin...
There is just so much to catch you guys up on. But, I am going to keep it short. I promise. Maybe I will give you an extended update later.
As always, I've been avoiding my dates with Jesus. I know, how could I? I have no idea. I am still trying to figure it out. It is all I have been thinking about! There is just this frightening feeling I get at the thought of being completely vulnerable with Him. Makes no sense, I know. Anywho, I have been justifying my not having a date with Jesus by using the good 'ol, "Well, I don't really have privacy in my home right now, there just isn't a place I can be when I breakdown" excuse. well, last week I found a great place I can go to and have quite time and maybe some dates with Jesus. I would tell you where...but um, I am going to be a little selfish with this one. ha ha. sorry. You know what would be totally awesome?! If y'all could be praying that I can actually find the time and strength to visit this spot of mine. And be able to have some good, quality personal time with Jesus. Autumn is the perfect time of year to have nice & cozy dates with Jesus. Ya know since I wont be having any dates with a guy anytime soon. Having a date with Jesus is way more awesome then any date I would have with some random guy.
I have realized that It has been far too long since an update. So for the few who follow my blog and are interested in what my not-so-exciting self has been up to lately here you go:
My last update was when my Grandpa passed away. Since then It has been a crazy/emotional/healthy healing process. But I can say that I was able to deal with this death a lot better than the others I have had and I am grateful for that.
This summer has gone by way to fast for me. I start Fall semester August 20th and I am not ready to go back at all. I still haven't gone to the Zoo and I promised my cousin Janice I would take her to the Santa Monica Pier. So I need to find the time to do this, stat!
Saturday, July 28, 2012 the Cervantes Family had a well needed Family Picnic. It was awesome. Almost all of my cousins were there and it was beautiful. This was our first big planned family picnic since both my grandparents passed away. It was kinda put on in honor of them. To see what my grandparents started and who they raised. I am so blessed to have such a big family. And to even be apart of this family and just to call it my own. I could probably say that I've always taken my big family and our weird closeness for granted. It wasn't until I was talking to my good friend Claudia about our picnic and she had mentioned to me that her family doesn't do anything like what we do. ever. And to me, I thought that was thee most bizarre thing. Coming from a huge family, both sides, it is almost a regular thing for us to have little shindigs like this. So to hear that someone doesn't do that, made me think, how lucky I am to have such a big family. A family who makes it a point to all get together, catch up, have water balloon tosses, play volleyball, potato sack races, Bingo,play Softball, eat, laugh and enjoy each others company. I can not imagine my life without it. And I thank God for that. Being surrounded by family is amazing. Yes, they can drive us all crazy some days but in the end, family is such a precious gift God has given us. Our family picnic was such an awesome God-sighting for me.
Speaking of God-sighting, I've gotten this term from our VBS at church. For those who do not know what VBS is, it stands for Vacation Bible School. It is a Monday-Friday night event that takes place one week during the Summer, where tons of children come to church, they are put in little groups and leaders take them station to station and do activities and learn about Gods word. I was a crew leader to four super fun/cute kids all around the age of 7. I got to learn some little kid songs with some fun hand motions that went to the theme of our VBS, which was called Sky-High. We had clouds everywhere and crew leaders and assistant crew leaders were asked to wear blue and white. We got to play games with the kids, run around the church grounds to each station and just have fun with these kids and show them God's love. It was such a blessing to me. I haven't participated in my church's VBS in years and to get back into it was hard but in the end a blessing. I loved it.
We all wore the same shirts for the Family Picnic. That is the Cervantes Crest♥
Right now I would like to make a shout out to my "sister", Marilyn Cooperstein!
Because it was VBS week and I knew I would be running around like a mad women trying to keep up with my kids, My flats would not suffice. Therefore, I wore my vans. Now, I haven't actually worn shoes with laces in FOREVER, because well.... I'll show you.
<--That happens! Every time I wear shoes my laces ALWAYS untie!!! drives me nuts. I could not help but think of my Sister Marilyn. Because of this, she started calling me Laces. I didn't like it much but now, I miss hearing her call me that. And all week she was on my mind. It only made me miss her even more and It was a blessing in disguise because I used that opportunity to pray for her while she is in Australia. Our 5 Bible Points hit home. And I would like to share them with Marilyn and anyone else for that matter who is struggling or going through hard times. Yes, it is designed for kids but it hit home. Our main point we wanted the kids to get was to Trust God. Day 1: No matter who you are, God. Day 2: No matter how you feel, trust God. Day 3: No matter what people do, trust God, Day 4: No matter where you are, trust God. And Day 5: No matter what happens, trust God
We had key Bible verses also, but I can't remember all of them, which is a shame because I know they were good. But the last one of the week is my personal favorite and It is impossible for me to forget because the verse is on my class ring. So I will share it with you for my closing encouragement.
It is:
Joshua 1:9 "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."
So this was a super short summary of what has been going on with me. I will try and update on a more regular basis. Thanks for reading. :)
P.S- The title of this post has no correlation to this post. I simply used the title of the song that started playing as I finished writing :)
Alright, So I have realized that I have not written in an awful long time. My apologies. For those of you who follow my blog and have been reading every post. I would like to apologize to you for the future. Because I sense that this will be happening often. That is just who I am. I am a pro at procrastinating. And, I also can not write my heart away If I am just not feeling it. Okay, so lets get to business.
This has been a crazy time for me.
"Really God?" Is what I caught myself saying often.
As always, I let my fear of vulnerability to the Lord get in the way of having regular dates with Jesus. So, naturally I developed a little list of things that I wasn't too happy with. Things that were heavy on my heart. And things that I had no answers to and hoped that He did. But I never took the time to actually go through that list with Him. And my life slowly started to become a mess. My ducks were starting to get out of line.
My grandpa, an 82 year old man who had an incredible sense of humor passed away last week. March 29th, 2012. Just a quick recap for those who don't know. My grandpa was suffering from kidney failure and he refused to do dialysis.
I tried building myself up for what was coming. I mean, I had a sense of what it was going to be like, what I had to prepare for and what I had to do in order to not make the same mistakes I did when my grandmother has passed. As much as I tried to prepare myself I never quite got it right. I was still not ready. Although on the outside I might have looked like I took it good. But, really I was in denial. I refused to accept the fact that my grandpa died. That I no longer had any grandparents. To seek wisdom from, to hear stories from the past and to just be in their presence. Every morning when I woke up It felt like it was all a bad dream. As if it never happened.
The fact that my grandpa wasn't with us anymore finally hit me. The night of his viewing service it hit me hard. Seeing his casket, hearing his sister tell us all stories of when he was a kid. Seeing her in pain, and everyone else around me. It really happened. And it wasn't until my dad spoke these very words and said, " I know in my heart that I will see Eddie again", is when I was able to have some peace in the fact that he was gone. It was a stepping stone for me to draw near to the Lord and allow him to comfort me. Allow him to pour out His love for me. And to know that It was okay for me to be upset about it. It was okay for me to cry. I kept thinking of when Jesus dealt with the death of Lazarus, John 11:35 "Jesus wept." He was overcome with sorrow even though He knew He would rise again.
Everyone has a different grieving process. And I am still figuring out mine. You would think I would be a pro at it right? I never dealt with the death of my grandma, aunt, abuelito and abuelita in the present time. And I am learning now how to deal with my grandpas death in current time. It isn't easy. But the more I talk with Jesus, the easier it gets.
Word to the wise, pretending that you don't hear God whispering in your ear isn't always the best thing to do. I mentioned that I haven't been going to God with the things that are bothering me lately and how that it's only causing me to build a bigger list of beef I have with Him. And naturally, my life is becoming more and more of a mess and my ducks are no where to be found at this point. The funny thing about God is, He knows how to get to you. In a sneaky way. Well, at least that is how it felt like for me. These past two months I have had a few opportunities to step up in my leadership role and be blessing to others. To step out of my comfort zone, and glorify God. Here is the sneaky part. God knows that I can't have beef with Him when I've made a decision to lead and bless others. So here is how I imagine it in my head.
Me: " Why does my life suck right now? " Jesus: " Wanna talk about it? " Me: (pretending that I didn't hear him) "School is stressing me out." Jesus: " I am still here if you wanna talk. " Me: (still pretending not to listen) "I do not know how to deal with all this." Jesus: "I do. Want to get some coffee?" Me: (doesn't respond, but deep down wants to talk) Jesus: "Alright, I know she wants to talk...I know she's scared...how could I giver her that extra push???" (2 days later Liz has 3 amazing opportunities given to her and she knows she cant do them alone) Me: " 7pm, Starbucks in El Monte?" Jesus: "I'll be there. "
Matthew 7:7 "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you."
Psalm 116:1-7
So this is where I am. I apologize that this post is so long. Who ever stuck it through and is still reading, If there is one thing that I can get across to you is, talk with God. I know it can be scary. But just as I remind myself this every time, He just wants to have dinner with you. I encourage you to read the story of Zacchaeus. It could be found in Luke chapter 19. My mentor had me read it and since then, It has helped me a lot.
My grandpa Eddie and his little sister Ester at his 81st birthday.
Always in my Heart <3
For those who actually follow my blog, you might have noticed that I haven't posted anything new since my Valentine's Day rant. In all honesty, let me just say things didn't work out the way I planned them.
I bailed on Jesus. I stood Him up. I cancelled our date for Valentine's Day.
For those who remember, in my last post I had mentioned that I desperately needed a Date with Jesus. So pushing back my date even further was not a good decision. The last date I had was the end of November 2011. That is a very long time. You can imagine what a hotmess I became.
I guess you can say today was my breaking point. I needed some Jesus Time. And I also would be lying if I didn't tell you that part of my choice of having Jesus Time was because my mentor made it my homework assignment. And I am meeting with her today. But, that's besides the point. I needed Jesus and I was going to have a sesh with Him and I did. And it turned out exactly how I expected it to be. But, that's what happens when you don't spend time with Jesus on a regular basis.
I have no real point to this post. Besides me telling you I finally had my date with Jesus. And I am struggling to get back into the habit of having a healthy relationship with my God. If you are one who prays, please pray for me. And if praying isn't your thing, send happy thoughts my way :)
I will leave you with this.
As my date with Jesus ended this song started playing. And let me just say, God has the most amazing timing. This was definitely a great way to end my date. And it was exactly what I needed.
Phil Wickham
Safe
"This is the promise He made, He will be with You always,
When everything is falling apart, You will be safe in His arms"
February 14th.
A day that I can't help but cringe to when I hear the date or hear someone talk about it.
Just to give you a little image in your head as to how I feel towards the holiday, Here is a picture for you to enjoy.
The expression on this little boys face is usually the way I feel when I walk into a CVS and see Valentine's Day stuff plastered onto everything.
Now, it hasn't always been that way. I suppose I enjoyed making cute little paper mailboxes in elementary school and going around giving all my classmates Tweety Bird paper Valentines with a red lollipop attached to it that had a white heart on the sucker, and when you licked it you could give yourself a heart tattoo. ya know, those days were okay. But I am pretty sure once I entered Junior High, Valentine's Day started rubbing me the wrong way. Not a fan. And every year it just slowly creeps up on me.
Here I am, with my Christmas cheer slowly coming to an end, the next thing I know, BAM! every store in the world is covered in pink and red hearts!
Several people are always telling me, especially my mom, "You're just bitter and grumpy because you don't have anyone to celebrate it with." Lies. I am telling you all now,well at least those few who actually read my blog, that the fact that I am not in a relationship is not the reason why Valentine's Day is at the bottom of my list of favorite holidays. I can tell you now that when ever the good Lord does bring an awesome man of God into my life and the relationship continues through Valentine's Day, I will not change my opinion on the holiday. And if this guy insists on participating on the holiday, I am going to kindly suggest if we could "celebrate" the following day.
Ya know, there is more to it as to why I'm not too crazy about the day. Another big reason is that I don't like that men and women feel the need to go all out and make sure that there significant other is well aware that they are loved. ya know? So many men stress about Valentine's day. "Oh it's Valentine's Day! I HAVE to buy my girlfriend/wife 12 long-stem red roses and a box of chocolate and some type of jewelry so she knows I love/care about her." No, you don't. My thing is, If you really care about your significant other you wouldn't just dedicate one day on making it known. You would give her flowers on any random day, just because. You would tell them everyday you loved them and find time out of everyday to spend with them. Which leads me to the whole reasoning of this post.
I am going to be honest with you. Lately I have been in a little dry spell with my relationship with the Lord. But this past week has been exactly what I needed to get motivated and get my heart pumpin for the Lord again. Talking about the Holy Spirit and really trying to understand how important it is to be living your life constantly submerged with the Holy Spirit, being loved on by my brothers and sisters in Christ and by watching this short little spoken word video. Some of you might have already seen it. But for those of you who haven't, I want to share it with you because, it is what sparked me to think of a brilliant idea to bring me to not think so negative towards Valentine's Day. If you are confused in anyway, watch the video, continue reading and hopefully I'll be able to wrap my thoughts up and it will all come together. :)
Alrighty, wasn't that great?
here are three lines he said that I just love. •"become friends first before you ever become lovers,pursue Jesus as your foundation,before you get under the covers" •"its not the love that sustains the promise its the promise that sustains the love"
and • "His death was a proposal, He wanted you no matter the cost,while some guys propose on one knee, Jesus proposed on a Cross."
It was that last one that got me. This whole video was just a great reminder of how much Jesus loves me. And his way of showing us was dying on the cross for us. He continues to love on us and shows us daily with his mercy and grace. I started thinking about how horrible I am about taking time out of everyday to spend it with Jesus. It doesn't mean that I do not love Him, but it is not always at the forefront of my mind. And it shouldn't be that way. Here I was complaining about people who take advantage of a day dedicated to showing their loved ones how much they really do care for them. Using Valentine's Day as a day to spend the whole day with their loved ones. When, the One who deserves a whole day dedicated to Him, showing Him exactly how much He means to me, is Jesus Christ. I should be spending everyday with Him. But I don't. Just like the average person does with their significant other. So, it kinda made me understand why some people do take advantage of the one day out of the year to go all out. Now, I am not saying that I still don't feel like the little boy in the picture. Because I do. But as I said, I can understand now and It's made it a little easier for me to not be the Grinch of Valentine's Day.
I have decided to participate in Valentine's Day. But not in the typical way of celebrating it. Instead, I want to use the 14th of February as a stepping stone. A day to dedicate to Jesus. A day to have a date with Jesus, a much needed date with Jesus. To be in constant prayer, to journal, to have a conversation with Him, to listen to Him, to see His beauty, and to show Him how much I love Him. Spend the entire day with Jesus. Here is the curve ball. I don't want this to be just something to do every year on February 14th. Because then I would be doing exactly what I don't like about Valentine's day. I want it to be a day that encourages me to start the next day, and the day after that and so on, to find time to spend with Him. Whether it is for an hour or 30 minutes. As long as I get some time in to have some good quality Jesus Time.
I hope what I am trying to say is making sense. And if it does make any sense to anyone I hope that I have in some way encouraged you, or that God has spoken to you in anyway. The point isn't to do it because we have to or we need to. It should be because we want to and we have the desire to. When we have that desire, the outcome is so amazing. It allows us to grow, to mature and be in the Holy Spirit. And that is an incredible feeling.
Today was my Abuelitos birthday.
(for those of you who are reading and are not familiar with spanish, Abuelito= Grandpa)
I believe he would have turned 85 today.
It has been 3 years since he has been gone.
My parents have a photo of him framed on top of this cabinet thingy my mom has in the living room.
I pass by it every day and I can't help but smile every time I see it. In this photo he is in his uniform. And if I am correct, the day this photo was taken, my dad was there and he was the one who took the photo. So, not only does it make me smile to just see Abuelito, but I can't help but picture my dad being there and envision them smiling and having a warm conversation. Then it just leads me to remember how much I miss hearing Abuelitos voice. So soft and full of love and wisdom. By then, I am just struck by a flash of memories and a specific conversation that I remember having with him.
It was at the Upland house, and I had taken my Spanish homework to work on while my parents and I were visiting. I figured I would get more luck with proper help from Abuelito then my parents. And I was right. It is sad to say but, I don't think I ever had that long of a conversation with him in my entire life.
Abueltios first language was Spanish. And he learned English while he was here. My Abuelita only spoke spanish so most of the time Abuelito did the translating for me when I wanted to say a few things to her. Even though Abuelito spoke English, his Spanish accent was still pretty thick. I loved that about his voice.
Back to the conversation I had with him, I distinctly remember him asking me, "Why do you need so much help on your Spanish work?" My answer was, "Because my dad [his son] never taught me how to speak Spanish." The look on his face was priceless. along with his smile and the laughter that came from him. He helped me finish the last bit of my homework and I remember him telling my dad in Spanish that He needs to speak more Spanish to me. I remember him laughing then looking at me and saying, "a partir de ahora me voy a hablar con usted solo en español." which meant, "from now on I'm only going to talk to you in spanish." I just remember freaking out because I was not up for that challenge. of course, he was only joking. But it made me smile.
It is that memory that constantly replays in my head. I only wish I did speak Spanish as fluent as I should. I just might have been able to have more amazing conversations with him. Especially with my Abuelita. But that's for a whole other blog entry.
There is only one other thing about this photo that aches my heart every time I see it. My Abuelito was doing something he loved. And something that he was amazing at. I only wish I would have been alive during his glory days. My parents, aunts and uncles have bragged about how amazing he was. If he only knew how much of his love for what he did was passed down to me. For a while after his death, It was hard for me to get back to the kitchen. It was a constant reminder of him. But eventually I've realized to embrace it. And now, I can't help but to think of him while in the kitchen, doing something I love. Something that clears my mind and makes me smile. Something that brings me closer to him. I still wish he was around so we can talk about things I've made or want to make. So he can teach me all his tricks and help me better my skills.Whether I choose to make Baking my profession or just a hobby I pick up, I know my Abuelito would be proud. And just for him, I promise to try and teach my future kids how to speak Spanish. :)
¡Feliz cumpleaños, abuelito! Usted siempre estará en mi corazón. Y gracias por el amor que tengo para hornear.
Golly, It is already January 1st, 2012! Can you believe it? Time goes by so fast.
2011 was such a crazy year for me. It went by so fast!
I just finished the semester from hell. And really not looking forward to seeing what my grades are. This coming semester should be better. I will only be taking 3 classes and I refuse to let this semester be a failure.
Throughout 2011 I had crazy, unexpected, and unwanted friendship quarrels.And friendships that were mended. There were so many decisions I had to make regarding my friendships as well. Definitely something I hope to never have to go through again. But, its life. Who knows what God will have me go through. But that is the the beauty of the Lord, having full faith in Him and not knowing where the Lord is gonna take me. I am ready for it. I've spiritually grown so much through out 2011 and it wasn't easy but it has changed me so much. I am still going through a lot of changes in life and decisions need to be made but that all takes time. In Gods time.
I just know that this year is the year that great things will happen. I mean, so many great things are already in the near future. My best friend, Amy will be graduating from College!! My little APU graduate she will be :) And my dear friend Marilyn, who is like a sister to me, is going to Australia to serve the Lord. I am so excited for her.
If you haven't guessed it yet, I am very excited for 2012. It is gonna be a great year. Really, I am so excited. I hope,wish and pray that this new year is filled with Love, Happiness, Peace, Joy, and Jesus. Hope you all have a fantastic year. I am not saying this year will be a blissful year, I guarantee you there will be some hard times. deaths, fights, divorces, breakups, whatever it is, there will be hard times. But, it is your choice to make the best of it. Are you going to dwell in it and let it control your life? Or are you going to work through it and learn from it. Grow from it. There is always something the Lord can teach you. Live life Loving Jesus.
Happy New Year!
Yep. That is exactly what the Lord has brought back into my heart. Forgiveness. It's such a deep word. And something that is so hard to do.
I honestly think forgiveness is something that no human being can ever master.
Not only are the words, I forgive you hard to say to someone, its more than just a saying.
If you just throw it around like a stinky sock it doesn't mean anything. Because really, in all honesty, do we really forgive them? Or are we just saying it to make them feel better and so we can just continue on?
A lovely wise red-headed women taught me that forgiveness isn't something you can take lightly. its some serious stuff. and its a choice you choose to make. Just like Jesus chose to forgive us. He really didn't have to. I mean really come on, us filthy human beings who on a regular basis spit in His face by continually living in sin, when in fact He made us for His own pleasure. It's because of His unconditional love for us that gave Him the desire to forgive us. And that is exactly how we should be.
Colossians 3:13 - " Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you."
1 Corinthians 16:14 - " Do everything in Love."
Ephesians 5: 1-2 - " Follow God's example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God."
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<--That happens! Every time I wear shoes my laces ALWAYS untie!!! drives me nuts.
